Have you ever noticed how often people rely on others in their pursuit of happiness? How they expect someone else to make them happy? You might hear people say things like: "If only he would be nicer." "Didn't she know that would hurt my feelings?" "I would be happy if he would only talk to me more."
When people have this idea in their head they can spend a lot of time figuring out how to fix or change other people.
What's the trouble if you try this strategy? Not only do the other people feel irritated, they often get defensive at your attempt to "FIX" them. And it leaves you powerless. If THEY don't change, YOU can't be happy.
But even more important is that, since what you focus your attention on grows, focusing on what you don't like will cause it to become what you notice most in your life.
Say, for example, when your significant other comes home they often leave a trail with their clothes, bags, books, whatever, strewn throughout the house. It drives you nuts! Every time you look at the residue of stuff they leave behind them, you feel irritated.
This has gone on for so long that now you notice every little piece of debris, everywhere you look, all the time.
Where you place your attention increases.
Perhaps you say something like this to them: "Can't you pick up after yourself? You are such a slob."
It's probably not the first time you've talked about the clothes on the floor. And probably not much has changed since that first time. So what happens next?
The person leaving the clothes around probably gets annoyed at being told what to do. You lose hope that things will ever change. And you focus more and more on what you don't enjoy about your partner.
Remember, what you focus your attention on grows!
So here it is, the step that will move you closer to being happier than ever before: Develop YOUR ability to focus your attention on what you ENJOY.
Maybe this sounds too simple. But ask yourself: "What would my day be like if I started and ended it by simply noticing or remembering everything that I enjoy in my life?"
Remember, what you focus your attention on grows. Focus on what you enjoy - it's quite simply the fastest, easiest step you can take to start finding happiness in every moment.
Try this. Pretend that you have an emotional bank account. Every one of your thoughts makes a deposit. This means that if you're constantly depositing painful memories in your emotional bank account, they will grow and grow.
Those painful memories will multiply just like in regular bank account giving interest. What's this? It's compounding the effect of thoughts like: "What a slob!" with more thoughts like: "She doesn't care about me." or "He's the most selfish person I've ever met."
Now, do you feel happy?
Take each day and look for things you are grateful for and really bring you true pleasure.
Your significant other comes into the house and smiles. Is that something to be thankful for? They ask you if you would like a cup of tea. Is that something to be thankful for? You see them put something away, without being asked. Is that something to be thankful for?
Now imagine depositing these memories in your emotional bank account, day after day. And compound them with as many other thankful, grateful thoughts as you can so they grow and grow. "I love it when he remember I like milk in my coffee; he's so considerate sometimes." "I'm so glad we like doing things together." "We just have so much in common; she is so much fun to be with"
How do you feel now?
Happy or sad, good or bad, pleasure or pain - authentic happiness is up to you. Focus on what you enjoy. Enjoy being thankful. It's something anyone can do, even you.
What you focus your attention on will grow. You do have an emotional bank account so start saving your happiness up today. With a bank-full of thankful
, you'll be a master at the art of "having happiness now."
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